Just thinking

I read a dear friend's post a few minutes ago and it got me to thinking once again. His writing always does that for me. He has lived many years and is wise because of where his Life's journey has taken him. He reminds me of things that either my grandparents, my parents, or even sometimes my own travels in this journey we call living. Lots of wounds of one sort or another. Lots of Joys too. Thank goodness the Joys outdo the wounds. Why is it that the wound memories seem to remain deeper than the Joyous ones? I contemplate that as I remember happenings since my Mom left us 7 years ago. It has not been a bump free road, for sure. We have been absorbed with our Dear Ava and her life since coming to us 3.5 years ago. It has been a painful journey, for Ava physically and emotionally for us. I do try not to dwell on this, but I always do. We think about the level of her life. She is now in Blank Hospital about every month. I know it is a downhill slope as do all of our family. We ache for her. We still don't get the why. We never will. She just got home from there again this week. Tuesday Lacey went down from her work early because the Doctors dismissed her. Lacey is having job struggles because she has had to leave to go be with Ava. This is something that still happens for women no matter how much progress is made in women's rights. I still believe that a Mom should not be penalized because she has to leave work to be with a sick child. Being a Mom is the most important job in the world. My dear friend that I was talking about in the last paragraph is a gem of a man. A man anyone would love to know. He has lived his Life to the fullest, even jumping out of an Airplane when he was in his 80's. To have that zest for Life is awesome. Lately I have been having health issues again. Things have been happening that in the days past I would have gone to see the Doctor about. Now, with my Health Insurance nearly non-existent, I have been toughing it out with my injuries and pains. It really has been frustrating me because I want to be out riding my Bike with my husband, or doing other fun things with him. Now I cannot even put up my feet in my Recliner without help! Somehow, and I have yet to figure it out, I also have injured my right foot. I think some of it is Arthritis, as my husband suggested the other day. But the other pain is like no other I have dealt with before. Even the pain of Childbirth is bearable because you know it will soon pass and things will return to normal. My pain is not constant, thanks goodness. I don't think I could take it if it were. I have also been thinking about my Dad and my Brother. I should be getting together with them. I don't even want them to know how bad my limping around is now. I feel like I am a hundred years old! Still, it doesn't help me with trying to lose the weight. I have truly given up on that entirely. Oh, some days I succeed quite well. Then the next day I will give in to any and all temptations. Such has been my Life recently. With the World situation as dire as it is right now, the stress is heightened. Food becomes a soother. Heck, I was thinking back last night and realized it has always been so for me. From the time I was very little and someone would give me a cookie to "feel better now?". I try not to worry about the Government shutdown. The Republicans and Democrats will not work together to make things better. It really stinks. Those people who need the help the most are the ones who are having to do without even more! We were talking with some friends this morning and we all agreed that we all will be Vegeterians before too long because no one can afford to buy meat! It has gone through the roof. Now they are saying that Milk prices are going to double soon! It cost nearly 4.00 for 2 quarts now! I never thought we would be paying that much for it. So, we just keep on buying less and less of that sort of thing. We have been stocking up on sale foods for some time now. We could get by for a long time without buying much, if we had to. I think we might start stocking up on things like flour and other baking stuff. I can get some containers that will keep the flour and sugar good for a long, long time. We usually buy flour only when we need it. But, I think I will talk to the dear hubby about that sort of buying. It isn't a bad idea. I continue to try to look at the bright side of things when possible. For instance, gas prices have been going down for some time. But, from almost 4.00 a gallon to 3.18 is still too high! It should lower at least another dollar, more would be better. I want to end this writing on a positive note. My daughter and her two children went out to visit our other daughter and family last weekend. It was so much fun. We did not even do all that much, but it was still fun for everyone. Even my Grandsons did not seem to mind going from store to store with us. The one tried a little pout once because we had to say no to him. But it did not last long when he saw that we were not going to change our minds, no matter what. I even told him that is was okay to be mad about it, but that it was not going to change anything. He came right out of his snit pretty fast. The boys are getting older now and they really are getting better about things that we say no about. We all realized we were buying their love with "stuff" when all they really needed was to be with us and to be doing things we all loved. Like the last time I was with this particular Grandson, he and I spent a long time just putting a Dinosaur puzzle together. We could not get it to stand up as it was supposed to do. So, we got out the pipe cleaners and wrapped them around the legs and then it stayed up for a while. Long enough anyway. It is those things that Kids will remember many years from now. Not how much the toy you bought them cost. Legos are getting entirely too expensive to buy. About 40.00 is the average now. Ridiculous! Well, it is time to go spend some quality time with my dear hubby watching tv. Until next time, Goodbye

Storms

I have been looking at photos of some of the horrible results from all of the storms over the past week. I don't usually worry or get "scared" about weather. It has always been a factor of Spring in Iowa....bad weather, hail, wind, even sleet, tornados, etc. Sometimes there are even tornados all summer and into fall.

This is the first year that I truly feel scared. Why? Because as I get older, health and welfare become dearer as each day passes. Seeing all of the devastation across the south, I shudder. Many years ago now, in 1979, there was a bad tornado in the town where our youngest daughter now lives with her family. It took out a third of the town and killed 2 women. This was about 25 miles northwest of where we live. We have had several tornados come fairly close. One even came through our town last summer and took the roof off of a few homes. Luckily no one was hurt. The children who live in the worst damaged home, were not at home. They were only a few blocks away, with their Grandparents. I cannot imagine how horrified their parents had to be on their way home from the next larger town. I cannot imagine having to go through something like that. Losing everything...or almost everything. Some even lost their loved ones or friends. A bad tornado went through the town my sister in law and her family live in. It missed them by literally ONE block. It too killed 2 people. As happens often, their home was almost untouched. Just a bit of wind damage. There was also a tornado about 2 miles south of our town a couple of years ago. That one was in an open area so no real damage occurred. There was one north of town about 3 miles also. It took out some outbuildings, but missed the house. The same tornado moved on north east and picked up a home and set it back down crooked on the foundation. The man who lived there just made it to the house as the storm hit. He managed to get to safety just in time. His home was ruined and his machine shed came down around his farm equipment. It still makes me shudder to think about how dangerous these storms can be and have been. When I think about this, I realize how blessed we are that we have remained safe. I remember being in the basement when the tornado hit town and hearing that wind go through. My dh was up and down the basement stairs several times. He was watching the news and out the window. He no longer does that. One year an awful hail storm ravaged the town west of us and did lots of damage in our town too. I remember the rainbow afterwards, it was so beautiful. How things can change in a heartbeat. Also, we spent many a day or night in our downstairs shower with my 3 daughters and our dog, waiting until the storms had moved on through. Never did I let my mind think about what would happen if the basement filled with water or the sump pump back up and quit. We took blankets and pillows with us. A couple of times we have had to take our grandsons down while they were staying overnight with us. We worked to make it seem like a kind of game so that they would not be as scared of the storms as we were inside. I am not sure if we succeeded or not. We had one dog who was scared of storms, but she had been left as a puppy in a box in a church yard in a storm. I will end this for now. I may add some more to it a bit later on....after I let it mill around in my head and heart a while. This update is written on September 22, 2016.

Are the storms getting worse as time goes on? It certainly seems like it. Of course most of that is because we hear more about things and in what becomes too much detail sometimes, I think. The daily struggle continues. We keep working to find good things to counter the bad ones. So far we are winning. There are still so many good people in this world. They run toward danger and crime and pain and suffering. Bless them every one. I am not sure I could do that. I have only had a couple of times that I was called on to help and that was more from a distance than close up. I would hope that I could muster enough courage if and when needed. I always start shaking so badly that I almost faint. Gotta work on that. lol

I am struggling again right now. You see, I just lost my final parent. My Dad died. He was getting better and then he just died suddenly and left us all. It may have been the kindest way in the long run, but for now it hurts like Hell. The thing is, I cannot seem to let down and cry and mourn. I keep thinking all the stuff you are supposed to think and say and do. Going through the motions again. Going to sleep. Waking up again. Sleeping in after being up to One in the morning. One time it was after two before I could let down and go to bed. I was sitting and thinking and writing and watching television and reading a book and playing a game. Anything to dull my mind and let me just chill out and not think at all. Yes, the eating too. I seem to be hell bent to gain back the weight I worked so hard to lose. I will not do that, however. I just won't.  I have no stamina. I usually take a long nap. Some days I don't because I just can't sleep. I continue to think about what happened, the gruesome details. Over and over they go in my mind.

Anyway. That will be it for tonight as I have totally wandered away from thinking and talking about storms. I guess I am in a Storm in my mind right now. Now I am an Orphan. Where is the Train????

For now, take care and have a Goodnight Moon.

Kate