Speaking of Scary Stuff!

The weather has been so strange. Not just recently, but for several years now. So many tragic Storms, so many Lives lost. It really does make one ponder. It has made me look back at the way I perceive my daily routines. I always forget how the mundane is a really good thing. Until something happens to shock me back to reality and to how many blessings I really do have. So much that so many have lost one way or another. There have been some really bad Tornados the past few years. There have been more F4 or F5s. The bad one in Joplin. This past week in Oklahoma. Many others too, but not near us thankfully. We have had close calls over the years. There was one that went through Slifer back in about 1968 or so. My husband was following that one, from a safe distance. Then there was one just a mile east of us, on the road to the nearest town 7 miles away. There was even one that went through our town a few blocks north of us. It was only about an F1, but did enough damage, thank you very much. No lives lost or injuries, thank goodness. I was in the basement and could hear it passing through. It was a whooo whooo whoop sound. It did not stay on the ground very long. It would touch down, go up, touch down, go up, go down, and then it was gone. There was one a few miles South of us year before last too. No damage that time....was in the farm field. There have also been some to the west and to the far east from us....a deadly one about a half hour east. That was near some of our family members. 2 dead I believe, but all of our family safe.

There have been other storms too. The one that came through with Hail so big that it knocked out car windows and house windows as well. It took off the siding and ruined gardens and other items. Then another one that took out the corn and bean crops to the north west of us....It acutually looked like a whirling dervish the way the crops were flattened for miles and miles. No people or animals hurt that I heard of.

These happenings are nature, I know. I have even read about some bad storms other years. Those were northwest of us about 25 to 35 miles. Tornados killed a lot of people in one of them. The other one killed 2 people and destroyed main steet.

What am I meaning to say with this writing? I am not really sure. I guess my intent is mostly to myself. I want to remember these happenings. I want to continue to realize how lucky we have been.  I am blessed to have most of my Family close by. I have wonderful Children and Grandchildren. None of them have been arrested. None have even had much for accidents. Those who have were  very lucky. Daughter had her car severely damaged once, parked in front of her home....no one was in it at the time, thank goodness. Another time she was in a car accident that could have been very bad. She escaped with a few bumps, bruises, and burns. My husband and myself have had some very close calls in that department, but avoided getting hurt. Other than fender benders (done by backing up, no less) , we have stayed safe. As much as we travel, that is a true blessing.

On an ending note, I just want to say to count your blessings. Remember how lucky you are, even when times are bad. They could always be worse. The old saying that my Grandpa and my Mom repeated many times...... I once met a man with no shoes and felt awful for him. Until I met a man with no feet!

Perspective teaches us well.

Grandma Kate

Just thinking, again

Sometimes I get into a thinking mood, remembering stuff, writing it down, or sometimes just thinking it then moving on. There have been many times that I would like to write a book, but then who has not thought of doing that at one time or another? Most people, I suppose. We all tend to think that there is nothing in our lives that anyone would want to read now, or ever for that matter. We consider ourselves nothing but a mere speck. Nothing in the big picture. I don't believe that. I think we are all important. We are. So many spend so much time looking for something, for who they are, or who they want to be, or who they were, was it enough? I feel that living our lives, no matter how we move ahead or how much money we have, fame fortune, good looks, it all comes down to just enjoying the day to day life. Spending time with those we love. Letting them know how much we really do care. So many people are going through their lives wanting so much more. I cannot deny that I have been this type of person for a while. I am not sure what happened. Somewhere along the line I lost my focus. When my job as a mother was put on the back burner, I felt lost. I had never planned for a life beyond raising my kids. A lot of us women do this. Some never do stop. They butt in to their familie's lives and still reign supreme, even down to telling them what to do and when to do it. So, children move far far away to avoid having to deal with it. Yet, the phone is there so it really never truly ends unless they just don't call or return calls. I am fortunate that this has not been the case with me and my family. Yes, there were control issues, many of them. My folks never did really untie the apron strings. I detached from them in my own way. I don't think my mother ever really got over that. I will never know because I never discussed it with her. I tried with my Dad, I really did. He totally did not understand what I did or could not say. I wrote him a letter. I probably should have never mailed it because he never responded more than to say he did not understand a lot of it. So, I don't know what he really thinks about it and about me. When I was growing up I wanted his attention and love so badly. I knew he was away working and needed to be. When he came home at night, we would spend time together. This was in my teen years. He would sit on the floor and I would rub his shoulders and neck. He was always so tense from work. He would even let me end our ritual by combing his sparse hair. I can still remember that smell, of his hair oil. He sometimes worked more than one job. When he did that, we barely saw him. He would get home at night at our bedtime. We would say hi and bye and that was about it. Our family was always struggling to pay the bills. It must have been tough to feed 3 hungry children, a dog and 2 parents. I remember him and mom talking quietly. The only time I ever heard them speak to each other unkindly was when the bills were being paid. This has echoed a lot when we were raising our own kids. Now I hear it with the grandchildren. Economic times have never been good for us. Scraping by seemed a natural occurance. I think my grandparents stepped in and gave mom and dad money to help out whenever they could. They too were not making any real money. They had enough, nothing more. No luxuries for them. The thing is, I never heard one complaint about that, ever. I remember when dad would milk the cows, run a milk route, then go to his construction job. Then he would do the reverse when he got home. My brother Jim took over the major help with the milking at a very young age. I think he was only about ten or so when he was out in the milk barn with a stool and pail getting ready to teeter on the t shaped stool while he squeezed slowly to get the milk started, then away he went with both hands, soon finishing one cow and moving to the next. I remember the smell of the milkbarn. A cross between the smell of hay, milk and cow poop. An interesing smell indeed. I have no direction with this story, only the time telling it. It is fun to sit and remember the good things about the past. I got so wound up feeling sorry for myself for a while that it was not funny. I was not pleasant to be around for a couple of years. Going through the change was a wicked trip and sometimes I still feel the angst of what I could of or should have done differently. How would my life have been different had we had more money? I will never know. I do remember my friends seemed to have SO much more. They got more and better things from Santa. They were always buying new clothes and shoes, even purses. I thought after we moved things would get better, but they never did. We moved to a community that was clicky and if you had not been born there, you would always be an outsider. My folks never really neighbored much due to that and the fact that they both worked so much. I really came away from those times being an okay kid. I never thought much about not having as much as the next family. I just felt a terrible feeling of not belonging. I blamed it on my being overweight, but there were other girls who were overweight that never felt the way I did, or were better at covering it up than I was. Who will I be when I grow up? I may never know. I just might never grow up at all. Peter Pan had the right plan, after all. That is why so many people take jobs where they can continue to play. I know it is. So long till next time. Katie

Just thinking

I read a dear friend's post a few minutes ago and it got me to thinking once again. His writing always does that for me. He has lived many years and is wise because of where his Life's journey has taken him. He reminds me of things that either my grandparents, my parents, or even sometimes my own travels in this journey we call living. Lots of wounds of one sort or another. Lots of Joys too. Thank goodness the Joys outdo the wounds. Why is it that the wound memories seem to remain deeper than the Joyous ones? I contemplate that as I remember happenings since my Mom left us 7 years ago. It has not been a bump free road, for sure. We have been absorbed with our Dear Ava and her life since coming to us 3.5 years ago. It has been a painful journey, for Ava physically and emotionally for us. I do try not to dwell on this, but I always do. We think about the level of her life. She is now in Blank Hospital about every month. I know it is a downhill slope as do all of our family. We ache for her. We still don't get the why. We never will. She just got home from there again this week. Tuesday Lacey went down from her work early because the Doctors dismissed her. Lacey is having job struggles because she has had to leave to go be with Ava. This is something that still happens for women no matter how much progress is made in women's rights. I still believe that a Mom should not be penalized because she has to leave work to be with a sick child. Being a Mom is the most important job in the world. My dear friend that I was talking about in the last paragraph is a gem of a man. A man anyone would love to know. He has lived his Life to the fullest, even jumping out of an Airplane when he was in his 80's. To have that zest for Life is awesome. Lately I have been having health issues again. Things have been happening that in the days past I would have gone to see the Doctor about. Now, with my Health Insurance nearly non-existent, I have been toughing it out with my injuries and pains. It really has been frustrating me because I want to be out riding my Bike with my husband, or doing other fun things with him. Now I cannot even put up my feet in my Recliner without help! Somehow, and I have yet to figure it out, I also have injured my right foot. I think some of it is Arthritis, as my husband suggested the other day. But the other pain is like no other I have dealt with before. Even the pain of Childbirth is bearable because you know it will soon pass and things will return to normal. My pain is not constant, thanks goodness. I don't think I could take it if it were. I have also been thinking about my Dad and my Brother. I should be getting together with them. I don't even want them to know how bad my limping around is now. I feel like I am a hundred years old! Still, it doesn't help me with trying to lose the weight. I have truly given up on that entirely. Oh, some days I succeed quite well. Then the next day I will give in to any and all temptations. Such has been my Life recently. With the World situation as dire as it is right now, the stress is heightened. Food becomes a soother. Heck, I was thinking back last night and realized it has always been so for me. From the time I was very little and someone would give me a cookie to "feel better now?". I try not to worry about the Government shutdown. The Republicans and Democrats will not work together to make things better. It really stinks. Those people who need the help the most are the ones who are having to do without even more! We were talking with some friends this morning and we all agreed that we all will be Vegeterians before too long because no one can afford to buy meat! It has gone through the roof. Now they are saying that Milk prices are going to double soon! It cost nearly 4.00 for 2 quarts now! I never thought we would be paying that much for it. So, we just keep on buying less and less of that sort of thing. We have been stocking up on sale foods for some time now. We could get by for a long time without buying much, if we had to. I think we might start stocking up on things like flour and other baking stuff. I can get some containers that will keep the flour and sugar good for a long, long time. We usually buy flour only when we need it. But, I think I will talk to the dear hubby about that sort of buying. It isn't a bad idea. I continue to try to look at the bright side of things when possible. For instance, gas prices have been going down for some time. But, from almost 4.00 a gallon to 3.18 is still too high! It should lower at least another dollar, more would be better. I want to end this writing on a positive note. My daughter and her two children went out to visit our other daughter and family last weekend. It was so much fun. We did not even do all that much, but it was still fun for everyone. Even my Grandsons did not seem to mind going from store to store with us. The one tried a little pout once because we had to say no to him. But it did not last long when he saw that we were not going to change our minds, no matter what. I even told him that is was okay to be mad about it, but that it was not going to change anything. He came right out of his snit pretty fast. The boys are getting older now and they really are getting better about things that we say no about. We all realized we were buying their love with "stuff" when all they really needed was to be with us and to be doing things we all loved. Like the last time I was with this particular Grandson, he and I spent a long time just putting a Dinosaur puzzle together. We could not get it to stand up as it was supposed to do. So, we got out the pipe cleaners and wrapped them around the legs and then it stayed up for a while. Long enough anyway. It is those things that Kids will remember many years from now. Not how much the toy you bought them cost. Legos are getting entirely too expensive to buy. About 40.00 is the average now. Ridiculous! Well, it is time to go spend some quality time with my dear hubby watching tv. Until next time, Goodbye

Storms

I have been looking at photos of some of the horrible results from all of the storms over the past week. I don't usually worry or get "scared" about weather. It has always been a factor of Spring in Iowa....bad weather, hail, wind, even sleet, tornados, etc. Sometimes there are even tornados all summer and into fall.

This is the first year that I truly feel scared. Why? Because as I get older, health and welfare become dearer as each day passes. Seeing all of the devastation across the south, I shudder. Many years ago now, in 1979, there was a bad tornado in the town where our youngest daughter now lives with her family. It took out a third of the town and killed 2 women. This was about 25 miles northwest of where we live. We have had several tornados come fairly close. One even came through our town last summer and took the roof off of a few homes. Luckily no one was hurt. The children who live in the worst damaged home, were not at home. They were only a few blocks away, with their Grandparents. I cannot imagine how horrified their parents had to be on their way home from the next larger town. I cannot imagine having to go through something like that. Losing everything...or almost everything. Some even lost their loved ones or friends. A bad tornado went through the town my sister in law and her family live in. It missed them by literally ONE block. It too killed 2 people. As happens often, their home was almost untouched. Just a bit of wind damage. There was also a tornado about 2 miles south of our town a couple of years ago. That one was in an open area so no real damage occurred. There was one north of town about 3 miles also. It took out some outbuildings, but missed the house. The same tornado moved on north east and picked up a home and set it back down crooked on the foundation. The man who lived there just made it to the house as the storm hit. He managed to get to safety just in time. His home was ruined and his machine shed came down around his farm equipment. It still makes me shudder to think about how dangerous these storms can be and have been. When I think about this, I realize how blessed we are that we have remained safe. I remember being in the basement when the tornado hit town and hearing that wind go through. My dh was up and down the basement stairs several times. He was watching the news and out the window. He no longer does that. One year an awful hail storm ravaged the town west of us and did lots of damage in our town too. I remember the rainbow afterwards, it was so beautiful. How things can change in a heartbeat. Also, we spent many a day or night in our downstairs shower with my 3 daughters and our dog, waiting until the storms had moved on through. Never did I let my mind think about what would happen if the basement filled with water or the sump pump back up and quit. We took blankets and pillows with us. A couple of times we have had to take our grandsons down while they were staying overnight with us. We worked to make it seem like a kind of game so that they would not be as scared of the storms as we were inside. I am not sure if we succeeded or not. We had one dog who was scared of storms, but she had been left as a puppy in a box in a church yard in a storm. I will end this for now. I may add some more to it a bit later on....after I let it mill around in my head and heart a while. This update is written on September 22, 2016.

Are the storms getting worse as time goes on? It certainly seems like it. Of course most of that is because we hear more about things and in what becomes too much detail sometimes, I think. The daily struggle continues. We keep working to find good things to counter the bad ones. So far we are winning. There are still so many good people in this world. They run toward danger and crime and pain and suffering. Bless them every one. I am not sure I could do that. I have only had a couple of times that I was called on to help and that was more from a distance than close up. I would hope that I could muster enough courage if and when needed. I always start shaking so badly that I almost faint. Gotta work on that. lol

I am struggling again right now. You see, I just lost my final parent. My Dad died. He was getting better and then he just died suddenly and left us all. It may have been the kindest way in the long run, but for now it hurts like Hell. The thing is, I cannot seem to let down and cry and mourn. I keep thinking all the stuff you are supposed to think and say and do. Going through the motions again. Going to sleep. Waking up again. Sleeping in after being up to One in the morning. One time it was after two before I could let down and go to bed. I was sitting and thinking and writing and watching television and reading a book and playing a game. Anything to dull my mind and let me just chill out and not think at all. Yes, the eating too. I seem to be hell bent to gain back the weight I worked so hard to lose. I will not do that, however. I just won't.  I have no stamina. I usually take a long nap. Some days I don't because I just can't sleep. I continue to think about what happened, the gruesome details. Over and over they go in my mind.

Anyway. That will be it for tonight as I have totally wandered away from thinking and talking about storms. I guess I am in a Storm in my mind right now. Now I am an Orphan. Where is the Train????

For now, take care and have a Goodnight Moon.

Kate